“Why are you doing this?”
“After we found the cabin, you went out to scout the area, remember? While you were gone, we talked about you.”
“What did you say?”
“We talked about the other survivors we met today. Remember when that guy threw a dagger at Yujeong? And you shot his hand with an arrow?”
I nodded silently at Hanbyeol’s words. At the time, I was preparing for the worst-case scenario. If Woo Jung-min and Sun Yoo-woon had attacked us, we would have lost at least one or two people unless I revealed my true skills. That’s why I was ready to tie one of them up if things went south.
“And Hyun blocked the dagger with his shield.”
“That’s right.”
“Everyone’s been praising Hyun, saying he’s amazing and thanking him. But do you know what they’re saying about you after today?”
”…”
I had a vague idea of what was coming, but I didn’t want to hear it. Before I could say anything, Hanbyeol continued.
“Everyone’s trying not to show it, but they’re clearly shocked. Ansol was so scared she almost cried. Even Hyun and Yujeong looked a bit shaken. And it’s not just that. People are uncomfortable with how blunt you were with that woman today.”
“I see.”
I nodded calmly, and Hanbyeol looked at me incredulously.
“That’s it? Aren’t you upset? You did it to protect Yujeong, and they all pushed the responsibility onto you because they didn’t want to deal with it. Doesn’t that bother you?”
Maybe it should have. But I was too preoccupied to notice the subtle shift in atmosphere. It stung a little, but I didn’t want to dwell on it. Sooner or later, in this hellish place, they might have to kill someone too.
Hanbyeol seemed frustrated by my nonchalance and spoke in a soothing tone.
“You always take on burdens alone, thinking and worrying by yourself. I know you mean well.”
“It seems there’s a misunderstanding. Let me—”
“I’m not here to argue about misunderstandings. I’ve always trusted your judgment, and I still do.”
Her words felt like a weight dropping in my heart. Since leaving the city, I’d often caught her watching me, especially when Hyun and I were discussing our next steps. I thought nothing of it, but it seemed Hanbyeol had been observing me closely.
“That’s not true. We—”
“Please, speak comfortably with me.”
Hanbyeol interrupted, and I stumbled over my words. Her eyes were fixed on me with a hint of dissatisfaction.
“Uh, what?”
“Speak informally. You do it with the others, so why not with me?”
”…Alright.”
For a moment, I felt outmatched. Me, a ten-year veteran of this place.
Let’s stop. Hanbyeol reminds me too much of Han So-young, and it shakes me. It’s not just her charisma. There’s something about her that stirs emotions in me. She has a presence that reminds me of someone I once knew.
Clearing my throat, I continued.
“It’s not always my decision. You, me, Hyun, Sol—we all think things through together.”
“Don’t lie. At least you didn’t include Yujeong in that.”
“Hasn’t Hyun been through a lot too? He was amazing in the fight with those monkeys.”
“There you go again. That might work on Hyun or Yujeong, but not on me. Don’t try to change the subject. Hyun and I barely managed to take down two together. You handled two on your own and even helped Yujeong.”
Hanbyeol’s words hit a sore spot. She was sharp, and I couldn’t underestimate her. Her gaze had been one of observation, and she seemed well-prepared for this conversation.
I sighed inwardly, deciding to hear her out and, if necessary, address things directly.
“It’s always been like that. In the forest, in the city, and today with those strangers. You usually step back, but when things get dangerous, you’re the one who steps up. If we’re a team, you’re the leader, the pillar. Not Hyun. That’s why I’m upset. Why should you hear such things?”
‘Is she really thinking of me?’
“Well, I see it differently. Hyun is great. He’s decisive and takes action. And I don’t think we need to dwell on those words. We’re all leaders, and cooperation is key here.”
“Stop it. Why are you like this?”
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.”
Even as I said I didn’t understand, I felt a sting inside. I couldn’t bear to look at Hanbyeol’s calm, cold eyes any longer. There was a chill around her, like a biting winter wind.
“Don’t lie! It’s you who makes the decisions and takes action. You leave the easy, visible tasks to Hyun, but handle the tough ones alone. Why do people only thank Hyun and call him amazing? Why should they fear you, who does the hard work? And why do you hide it?”
“You…”
“If this continues, you’ll act the same way in similar situations. And this could happen again. The important thing is that we all rely on you, even if we don’t say it. No one would oppose it. So please, be our leader. Whether you think alone or discuss with us, let’s act together. If you’re the leader, everyone will follow without complaint.”
Hanbyeol was almost pleading now. Honestly, I was still a bit taken aback. If it were Yujeong, I’d laugh it off as her usual self, but Hanbyeol was different. I was trying to figure out why she was bringing this up now.
The standoff continued, and the early morning chill seeped into our bones. But Hanbyeol showed no sign of leaving. She seemed determined to get an answer.
I bit my lip lightly and slowly opened my mouth.
“I…”
The morning of the sixth day dawned. After taking the last watch, Hyun woke everyone and began preparing for departure. He stretched his stiff joints, clearly feeling the fatigue. I, too, had spent the night mostly awake, but my body wasn’t one to feel tired after just one sleepless night.
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
I greeted brightly on purpose. Ansol jumped at my words, then quickly bowed her head and scurried away with a worried look. In the past, I might have laughed it off as shyness, but seeing it up close left a bitter taste.
Hyun noticed Ansol’s behavior and scolded her for being rude to her elder brother. She bowed her head again, on the verge of tears. Yujeong soon approached to comfort her, and the two began bickering, leaving Ansol flustered.
I watched the scene unfold from a step back. It was warm. Truly warm. They could have been siblings. Their interactions were so heartwarming that it made me forget we were in this hellish place.
But I had no place among them. And I knew that better than anyone. We were fundamentally different. When I had cut down a hundred users in the past, I realized I might no longer be human. Perhaps I had momentarily forgotten myself in their warmth.
‘If someone from my past saw me now, they’d faint.’
I chuckled at the self-deprecating thought. Recalling my dark past seemed to cast a shadow over the mood. Whether Hyun noticed or not, he approached me with a cheerful smile. Judging by Yujeong’s grumbling, it seemed Hyun had won their morning argument.
“Hyung, do you think we’ll reach that warp gate today?”
”…Yeah.”
“Then let’s get there quickly. This might be our last breakfast here, so how about a hearty meal? You should eat a lot too.”
I gave a faint smile at Hyun’s suggestion. I shook my head at his offer to join them for breakfast.
“No, I’m fine. You guys go ahead.”
“But—”
“I have a habit of not eating before important days. It keeps my senses sharp.”
At my words, Ahn Hyun nodded reluctantly, then turned his attention to Kim Hanbyul. She was still staring into space with a cold expression. Suddenly, the conversation I had with Hanbyul earlier that morning came to mind.
“Hanbyul, are you going to have breakfast…?”
“I’m not eating.”
“What? Come on, don’t be like that…”
“I’m not eating.”
Kim Hanbyul cut Ahn Hyun off with curt replies, not even bothering to listen to him fully. Ahn Sol, taken aback by the unexpected scene, fidgeted nervously with her fingers. Ahn Hyun glanced awkwardly between Hanbyul and me, then scratched his head with an embarrassed smile. Even Lee Yoojeong, who had been watching from the sidelines, didn’t dare disrupt the tense atmosphere and spoke in a much more subdued voice than usual.
“Ahaha… I guess we’ll have to eat by ourselves then.”
“Yeah, I suppose we have no choice. More for us, I guess. Haha… Ha. Oppa, Hanbyul, are we really going to eat all of this ourselves…?”
Naturally, neither Hanbyul nor I responded. Even the usually unflappable Lee Yoojeong seemed taken aback by our silence, her lips twitching as if she were about to say something but then thought better of it. I had the distinct feeling that Hanbyul was watching me, but I refused to meet her gaze, choosing instead to ignore her completely. This only made the atmosphere even more frigid.
A lively morning on the sixth day.
That morning began with three people tiptoeing around the other two, right from breakfast.
---------------------------= Author’s Note ---------------------------=