The Past of An Sol & The Calm Before the Storm
“Oh…! You’re saving me, hyung. Haha.”
Perhaps because I had suggested having a drink beforehand, Ahn Hyun nodded readily. I jabbed the side of the guy who was shouting, “Haha! Hyung chose me! Are you watching, Lee Yoo-jung?” and started walking away from the festival grounds.
As we moved to a more secluded spot, I tried to calm my mind. I didn’t know what had happened, but Ahn Hyun and An Sol were very reluctant to talk about it. The key was figuring out how to get Ahn Hyun to open up.
After about two minutes of walking, the night had deepened, and I could still hear Ahn Hyun humming behind me. I stopped by the garden pond, where the moonlight shimmered, casting a silvery glow on the water’s surface.
“Oh. Here? But why all the way out here…?”
Ahn Hyun sat down with a broad smile, his face flushed, and looked around. Then, suddenly startled, he wrapped his arms around himself and exclaimed.
“Hyung. You don’t mean…?!”
”?”
“Hy-hyung. This is awkward. Ah… but if it’s you… maybe it’s okay…”
“Say one more word, and I’ll sober you up by force.”
I growled, tossing the bottle in my right hand. Ahn Hyun laughed, waving his hand, and caught the bottle mid-air, impressively. I opened the cap of the bottle in my left hand.
“Cheers.”
“Yes! But are we drinking straight from the bottle?”
I nodded silently.
The clink of bottles echoed, and I took a swig first. As the cold liquid smoothly slid down my throat, the slight excitement I felt settled, leaving me with a sense of calm. I savored the refreshing taste lingering in my mouth and glanced ahead. Ahn Hyun was politely sipping from his bottle, his head slightly turned.
“Ah. It’s not too strong, but it’s nice. It goes down well and keeps me alert.”
“Shall we have another?”
Ahn Hyun nodded eagerly. I planned to wait until the alcohol took effect. He was already quite drunk, so I needed him to be clear-headed enough to think straight.
I deliberately stayed silent, just nodding along to Ahn Hyun’s chatter and sipping my drink.
After we had downed about half a bottle, I noticed clarity returning to his previously glazed eyes, and his slurred speech was becoming more coherent. It seemed like the right time to bring up the topic, so I took out a cigarette. My continued silence seemed to make Ahn Hyun uneasy, and his chatter gradually faded.
As I lit the cigarette, Ahn Hyun spoke up.
“Hyung. Do you have something to say to me…? You’ve been quiet for a while now.”
His voice was much calmer than before. Sensing the alcohol had taken effect, I nodded slowly. Holding the lit cigarette between my fingers, I spoke in a low voice.
“Yes. I have something to ask you. That’s why I brought you here. I’m curious about An Sol.”
“Oh, I see. Well, ask me anything, hyung. If it’s about Sol, I can tell you everything…”
“Ahn Hyun. This isn’t a joke. I’m asking about An Sol’s past and her state of mind.”
Ahn Hyun fell silent as if struck by my words. I glanced at him. The cheerful demeanor he had at the gathering was gone, replaced by a look of confusion. In the past, I might not have pressed the issue. But this time, I couldn’t back down. I spoke with more determination.
“You’re the only one I can ask. So I hope you’ll be honest with me. You know what I’m talking about, right?”
”…”
A cold breeze swept by.
Ahn Hyun remained silent, staring blankly at the ground. But his eyelids trembled slightly, and he bit his lip.
How much time passed? Suddenly, Ahn Hyun forced a smile, but it was clearly strained.
“Ha… haha. Hyung, really. I told you, didn’t I? I’m sorry. Even for you, that’s a bit much. There’s such a thing as personal privacy, you know. Please respect that. Haha, ha.”
“Ahn Hyun.”
”…Hyung. Can’t we talk about this later? Why now…? Please. Give me some time to think. I want to sort out my feelings and enjoy this good atmosphere a bit longer.”
His tone was almost pleading. He seemed really reluctant to talk, but I decided to stick to my original plan. Now, I needed to persuade him.
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again, speaking softly.
“Hyun.”
At that moment, Ahn Hyun stopped talking. He looked at me with wide eyes, his mouth slightly open, surprise evident in his gaze.
I rarely called people by their first names, not even my clan members. I usually used their full names to maintain a certain distance. People around me probably sensed that. Even Jung Ha-yeon had asked me to call her by her first name. But this time, I broke that barrier myself.
Facing Ahn Hyun, who looked unsure of what to do, I continued speaking quietly.
“I feel like if I don’t do this now… I might never get another chance.”
“Hyung… please…”
“What are you so afraid of? Hiding it won’t solve anything.”
“But, hyung. But…”
“Hyun. Do you remember what I told you before? Not to be afraid. To face the source of your fear head-on. That’s the only way to survive and adapt in this world of Hall Plain.”
Perhaps because I spoke with rare sincerity, Ahn Hyun seemed to sense it. A flicker of conflict crossed his face, revealing his inner turmoil. My intentions must have reached him. But in the end, his response was to lower his head. A small “I’m sorry” reached my ears.
It seemed I couldn’t break through Ahn Hyun’s wall just yet. I let out a deep sigh.
The atmosphere, which had been cheerful just five minutes ago, had shifted dramatically. The lively air was replaced by discomfort and silence. The quiet persisted.
I licked my lips and spoke again.
“Something serious almost happened to An Sol recently. Did you know?”
Ahn Hyun nodded, then shook his head. He seemed to have an inkling from An Sol’s reaction but didn’t know the details. She probably hadn’t shared much about the guardians.
“If we leave An Sol as she is, things will get really tough. It’s not just about adapting. Hall Plain is going to change rapidly. Can An Sol survive with her current personality? I don’t think so. I’ve always said it, right? Anything can happen in Hall Plain. This recent incident was a perfect example. An Sol could have been used or, at worst, something terrible could have happened. We managed to prevent it this time, but there’s no guarantee it won’t happen again.”
“Could Sol really…?”
“In the past, I might have said, ‘It’s okay. If it’s hard to talk about, you don’t have to.’ Honestly, that would be easier for me. I could just focus on my own work without worrying.”
”…!”
Ahn Hyun’s head drooped, and his shoulders slumped. But since I had come this far, I needed to push harder to break down the wall. First, I wanted him to understand the gravity of the situation. Then, I needed to appeal to his emotions.
“But… I can’t do that anymore. You know, back at the user academy, Kim Han-byeol asked me why I didn’t join the Golden Lion. Why I was throwing away such a good opportunity. Do you know what I said?”
”…”
“I told them I wasn’t the good person they thought I was. I’m suspicious and don’t trust people easily. But in this world of Hall Plain, you can’t survive alone. You need companions to live and help each other. So I said I would create my own clan. A family-like clan made up of people I can trust, no matter what happens.”
“A family…?”
The moment I mentioned the word “family,” Ahn Hyun’s eyes wavered uncontrollably. I didn’t miss that reaction. After taking a swig from the bottle to wet my throat, I continued with what I had prepared to say.
“I know I gave up on the Golden Lion, but you were in the same boat. You turned down offers from the mid-tier clans too. Let’s be honest, did I have anything back then? Just a couple of gold coins from the User Academy, nothing more. I was a penniless rookie. Yet, you all followed me without a word, even handing over your last coins in the square. How do you think that made me feel?”
“Hyung…”
“Hyun, think about it. You, me, Sol, and Yujeong have been through everything together, from the rites of passage to now. We’re not strangers anymore. That’s why I can’t just stand by. I know if things continue like this, something bad will happen to An Sol. Should I just stay silent because it’s uncomfortable to talk about?”
Ahn Hyun slowly shook his head, more out of reflex than intention.
This was it. I looked him straight in the eye and spoke softly.
“Hyun, let’s stop running away and face this together. I’ll help you, just like I always have. Okay?”
“Ah…”
Ahn Hyun looked at me, lost for words, his eyes trembling and lips quivering as if he might burst into tears. I didn’t look away.
The wind died down, and the silence was so profound I could hear our breathing. Suddenly, I felt a burning sensation between my fingers. I glanced down to see the cigarette I hadn’t even smoked had burned down to my skin. As I flicked it away, a quiet voice reached me.
“Ha… you’re right.”
”?”
When I looked back at Ahn Hyun, his face was hard to describe. His eyes were vacant, his mouth slightly open, looking both relieved and as if he were in a trance.
“You’re right, hyung. Sol’s behavior… it’s been strange, more than just a little.”
Ahn Hyun finally spoke, revealing a crack in his tightly shut heart. I seized the opportunity to respond immediately.
“Yeah, I suspected there was a problem. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of, right? Everyone has at least one—”
“No, no, hyung. That’s not it. It’s not like that.”
At that moment, Ahn Hyun’s eyes flashed. He let out a deep sigh, as if from the depths of his soul, then continued with a hollow laugh.
“It’s not just that… Sol’s issues are too severe to be sugar-coated. Yes, it’s true. Our Sol has a mental disorder.”
‘Like a lunatic,’ I recalled something Go Yeonju had said in the past.
”…Does Sol know?”
“He must have some awareness. We’ve taken him to the hospital a few times. But I doubt he knows why he’s like this.”
What was this now? I looked up, puzzled, to see Ahn Hyun’s bitter expression. He slowly began to speak.
“He lost his memory a few years ago. Not completely, but partially. If you asked An Sol, he probably couldn’t give you a straight answer. Not because he wouldn’t, but because he couldn’t.”
“What…?”
‘Memory loss…?’
I had assumed it was just an intellectual disability, so this revelation caught me off guard. Unfazed by my reaction, Ahn Hyun continued.
“We’ve been to a lot of hospitals. I don’t know much about mental health, but every hospital had a different diagnosis. Schizophrenia, dissociative disorder, mood disorder, delusional disorder, trauma, hysteria, or extreme stress. Ha… But they say that’s how it is. The human mind is complex, and An Sol’s case is particularly intricate, making it hard to pin down a final diagnosis with modern psychiatry.”
”…I see. What do you mean by memory loss?”
“Ah… hyung, have you heard of dissociative amnesia? Or maybe psychogenic amnesia?”
I nodded, barely. I wasn’t an expert, but I knew the basics. It’s a condition where one can’t recall important past memories, and in severe cases, it can be accompanied by confusion, depression, anxiety, regression, suicidal impulses, and interpersonal difficulties.
I snapped back to attention, realizing the importance of the moment, and composed myself.
“So, what happened to An Sol? What could have caused such a mental disorder?”
Ahn Hyun didn’t answer right away. He just stared at the ground with a heavy expression. But then, as if recalling something, his eyes softened, and he slowly looked up at me. Our eyes met in the empty space between us.
Finally, Ahn Hyun began to speak.
---------------------------= Author’s Note ---------------------------=
I’ve been reading through the posts since the semester started. I’ve received a lot of feedback through messages and comments.
Some say the story feels rushed, or that it’s hard to follow why certain parts are happening suddenly.
After some reflection, I think I’ve been trying to speed up the plot too much, and it’s caused me to miss a lot of details. I have only myself to blame. ㅜ.ㅠ
So, for now, I’ll be returning to my original pace to untangle the story and regain my writing skills. I can’t let my ambition ruin “Memorize.” Haha.
Of course, I’ll continue with daily updates. If there’s a delay, please know that I’m just taking extra time to refine the writing.
I’m quite tired today. My body and mind are a bit dizzy, so I’m off to play some League of Legends for a break!
I’ll combine the replies in the next update. Except for one person.
letzgo02 / Welcome back! Yes, the Secret Class cannot be duplicated. In Kim Soo-hyun’s case, all information was revealed due to special circumstances, but normally, it can’t be duplicated. Of course, there are exceptions, like Kim Soo-hyun, Vivian, and Shin Sang-yong. :)
And congratulations on passing your exam! A police exam, no less! That’s truly impressive, and I’m envious. :D Clap clap clap!