00599 Those who fight to the death survive, and those who run away to the death…

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In a dark pit.

Shin Jaeryong was dying.

“I…”

Another me gently laid Shin Jaeryong on the ground and looked at him tenderly.

From my other self’s pocket, an elixir was pulled out.

“I hope Shin Jaeryong survives.”

Without a hint of hesitation, the cap was opened and the bottle tilted.

This other me, giving the elixir, truly looked worried about Shin Jaeryong.

At that moment—

“!”

Suddenly, consciousness snapped back. My eyes flew open. Looking around, I saw the tent I had returned to late at night, just as it was.

The table in the center, the entrance curtained off, the neatly arranged chairs—everything remained unchanged. Nothing had moved.

…So what just happened? Was it a dream?

A sudden chill brushed against my skin. At the same time, layers of exhaustion pressed heavily on my entire body.

But instead of going back to sleep, I chose to get up from the bed. For some reason, I felt I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, and even if I forced it, I didn’t want to relive that dream. My mind was already tangled enough these days…

I pulled back the curtain and stepped outside, greeted by the faint light of dawn.

At this hour, the first scouting teams would soon be heading out. No orders had come down yet, but it was likely that the users involved in the pit operation would remain on standby today as well.

Better to move my body and distract my thoughts by joining the scouting team, just like yesterday.

Settling on that plan, I slowly made my way toward the northern outpost. If I waited around there, I’d probably run into the scouting teams heading out, just like before.

But in the end, only half of my expectations were met.

“Mission: perimeter surveillance and key point exploration.”

“C-1 squad, total 12 members. Scouting team ‘Istantel Row’ led by Lee Jonghak, plus 11 others confirmed.”

“Authorization from the supreme commander verified.”

“You may proceed.”

The users guarding the northern post completed a brief verification. Lee Jonghak nodded in acknowledgment, then signaled the guards to wait a moment. Slowly, he turned to me and let out a deep sigh.

“Sorry, but I have to decline your offer, Mercenary Lord.”

“User Lee Jonghak.”

“No, it’s not possible. I truly appreciate your willingness to help with the scouting, but this time, I must politely refuse.”

“…”

Lee Jonghak, leader of the C-1 scouting team, shook his head firmly, his voice resolute. His clear refusal left me puzzled.

“Why not…?”

“Because scouting is our assigned duty. But Mercenary Lord, you’re not part of us. You know that.”

“But yesterday…”

“Mercenary Lord, please.”

Without hearing me out, Lee Jonghak flatly refused. I was left dumbfounded. When I asked to join the scouting yesterday, he hadn’t acted like this. In fact, he’d been overly enthusiastic and welcoming.

Why not just say no from the start?

He smiled warmly and let me join yesterday, so why refuse today? And so suddenly, too.

“…Please, save me.”

Then, Lee Jonghak suddenly grabbed my shoulder and, with a voice full of desperation, pleaded.

I had no idea what was going on, but his earnest expression made me fall silent.

“You know what? After yesterday’s scouting, our clan lord really tore into me.”

Huh? Tore into him? Lee Jonghak’s clan lord… that would be Han Soyoung, of course.

“No. Why would the Istantel Row lord…”

“Because of the Mercenary Lord.”

“…?”

“I clearly told them to only take users who participated in the pit operation. So why are you dragging along some random Mercenary Lord? That’s what I got yelled at for! Well, not yelled at exactly, but close enough!”

Lee Jonghak suddenly raised his voice.

“But our clan lord, when she gets mad, she’s terrifying! You understand? No, you don’t! Only those who’ve been through it do!”

He kept repeating “terrifying” and thumped his chest in frustration.

…Yeah, I know that feeling. Han Soyoung’s cold, emotionless voice as she meticulously lists every mistake, staring you down… yeah, that’s pretty scary.

“Shouldn’t you have explained the facts? That it wasn’t you who came to me, but I who came to you?”

“Yes, exactly! I said that clearly! But do you know what she said? That even so, how could I just accept it so easily? And then—”

Lee Jonghak suddenly stopped his rant, his face falling into an expression as blank as he could manage. Then…

Wait. That face?

“Anyway, you’re the one who gave permission, right? So don’t try to shift the blame onto the Mercenary Lord. …That’s how I got scolded again!”

Lee Jonghak mimicked Han Soyoung’s tone, a bit higher and flat, chattering on. I almost burst out laughing but held it back. I doubt Han Soyoung actually talks like that, but imagining it was pretty funny.

“Do you know what really makes me angry?”

Now fully venting, Lee Jonghak couldn’t stop talking.

“Yeah, I get it. Life’s tough, and people worry. But lately, my side’s been aching so badly I could cry, and yet those two are all warm and cozy—just like that! That’s what really gets me!”

“…Excuse me?”

“Damn it, long live the solo squad! Long live! Long live!”

“…”

His words suddenly veered off course, but I stayed quiet. It was hard to argue when his cheers sounded so sad.

After his big outburst, Lee Jonghak cleared his throat awkwardly, blushing.

“…Come to think of it, my comrades are waiting. I should get going, Mercenary Lord.”

“Wait a moment…”

“Please understand my position.”

“…”

In the end, Lee Jonghak bowed his head and walked away, drained of energy. Our misunderstanding remained unresolved.

I couldn’t stop him. Or rather, I felt I shouldn’t. For some reason, I strongly believed that trying to clear things up would only hurt him twice over.

“…”

With Lee Jonghak gone, my carefully planned morning schedule fell apart.

A sudden cold breeze swept past me.

…Where should I go now? I don’t want to just stand around. I need to do something. Maybe check on the injured at the infirmary?

Suddenly, thoughts of Shin Jaeryong and Helena flashed through my mind. Both had suffered serious injuries but, thankfully, were receiving proper treatment and were out of danger.

More than that, I’d received word overnight from the infirmary that they had finally regained consciousness. Although they complained of mild dizziness upon waking and hadn’t spoken much (the priest insisted rest was paramount, so they were practically pushed out), it was still good news.

It was a bit early, but maybe now would be a good time.

With that in mind, I turned and headed toward the infirmary. Having visited once already this dawn, finding the tent where the two clan members were recovering wasn’t difficult.

“Ah, Clan Lord?”

But as I slipped inside, I was met with an unexpected scene.

Helena was nowhere to be seen. Instead, Ansol occupied the spot, sound asleep. On a nearby cot, Shin Jaeryong sat propped up, staring at me wide-eyed. Judging by the food bowl resting on his thigh, he must have been eating.

“P-please, come in.”

Shin Jaeryong hurriedly wiped his mouth and quietly put the bowl aside. Since leaving now would look awkward, I decided not to refuse and stepped inside. Still, I’d better leave soon to avoid overstaying my welcome.

“It’s still quite early. You must have been very hungry.”

“Yes. I went hungry all day, so what choice did I have? Ha ha ha.”

I sat on the edge of the bed, and he smiled sheepishly. Seeing Shin Jaeryong’s unwrinkled smile made me feel a little uneasy, but I forced a smile in return.

“That’s a good sign. Wanting to eat means you’re healthy.”

“Yes, I think so too. Oh, Clan Lord, have you eaten?”

His sudden question made my chest tighten.

Strictly speaking… I hadn’t completely skipped meals, but I’d only taken a bite or two. I had no appetite, and my stomach felt unsettled, making it hard to eat.

“Just… it’s not mealtime yet.”

“Hmm. That makes sense. Still, it seems they’re always ready to serve food here.”

“Because it’s the infirmary. By the way, where’s Helena?”

“No need to worry about Helena. Since waking, she’s been complaining of dizziness and stuffiness, and eventually went out for a walk.”

“Then there’s no need to worry.”

“Heh heh… Ah, Sol just fell asleep a moment ago. She must be exhausted from nursing us through the night.”

Hmm, is that so? Nursing all night, huh.

Come to think of it, there’s something I need to discuss with Ansol too… but probably not right now.

Yeah, well, the second phase of the raid just wrapped up. There won’t be anything too urgent for a while, so taking it easy isn’t a bad idea.

I watched Ansol sleep for a moment, her breaths coming in soft, varied rhythms, then turned my gaze back to Shin Jaeryong.

“Anyway, I’m glad to see you looking well. Hyun was really worried about you.”

“Oh? I thought I’d be the one getting scolded. But I’m glad you cared. Ha ha ha.”

I decided it was about time to step aside. If he was well enough to eat or take a walk, he was basically recovered. By tomorrow, he’d probably be fully back on his feet, and then I could help with whatever remained to be done.

For now, I just wanted him to rest properly.

Slowly, I stood up.

“Oh, you’re getting up already?”

His tone sounded like he was surprised I was leaving so soon. I nodded.

“Yes. Rest is still the priority, and the food’s getting cold. Sorry for interrupting your meal.”

“Ah… wait a moment, Clan Lord.”

“Hm?”

“Before you go… I actually have something I’m curious about. May I ask?”

Shin Jaeryong spoke quickly, a hint of urgency in his voice.

I had nothing to hide, so I gave a casual nod.

“Of course. Go ahead.”

“Well…”

“…?”

“When you saved me, did you see any other users around?”

Other users?

I paused, puzzled, trying to recall.

Were there any?

No. I don’t think so.

I might have been too focused on Shin Jaeryong to notice, but from what I sensed, there was only one presence.

“I can’t be absolutely sure, but I don’t think there were any. At least, none nearby.”

“Hmm… I see…”

Was something wrong? Suddenly, a shadow of worry crossed Shin Jaeryong’s face, but it was fleeting.

“Alright. Sorry for asking something pointless.”

He gave a bitter smile, then nodded calmly, as if clearing away the darkness.

I shrugged to show it was no problem.

“And…”

Just as I was about to leave the tent—

“Thank you so much for saving me, Clan Lord.”

His voice came again.

Thank you for saving me.

For a moment, I had no idea how to respond. Before I could even think it through, I simply stepped outside.

“…”

A sudden wave of exhaustion washed over me, as if all the strength drained from my body. At the same time, my mind grew tangled again.

Still, feeling myself stagger, I forced my legs to move.

…Where am I supposed to go now?

No, before that—why have I been wandering like this since morning?

Time passed.

Lost in a daze, I wandered aimlessly until a makeshift fence caught my eye. I had reached the edge of the campsite.

Tilting my head back, I looked up at the sky. The blue was slowly brightening with dawn, still faint and hazy in the early morning light.

I settled onto the fence and pulled out a cigarette, placing it between my lips. Quietly, I drifted into thought.

The dream I had this morning.

And the thoughts it stirred.

Honestly, it was something I didn’t want to face. Maybe that’s why I’d been wandering aimlessly, trying to avoid it.

Because it was tied to my own inner self.

From the first run to this second one.

I’d killed countless guilty users, but also innocent ones.

I’d saved comrades, but lost just as many.

Through those repeated experiences, deep wounds formed inside me.

To endure the ever-growing scars, I had to find a way to survive on my own.

Maybe it started then.

Drawing a line, dividing things into black and white, and seeing users as mere tools.

That worldview took shape, becoming my personal motto as I navigated this world called the Whole Plane.

When I returned for the second run, I had only one goal in mind.

To focus solely on my brother and Han So-young.

Everything else didn’t matter.

In other words, other users were, in truth, just means to that end.

But yesterday, I saved Shin Jaeryong.

Of course, no one would say it was wrong. I don’t dispute the fact that I saved him.

But the real issue lies in how I saved him.

At that moment—

When Ansol’s miracle, which I had counted on as a backup, failed, and the clan members didn’t return—I had no thoughts in my head. Only the urge to save them.

But that was wrong.

“Mercenary Lord, you need to think more rationally.”

Yoo Ji-tae’s words weren’t wrong. I should have considered whether it was possible or even worth saving him before acting.

I didn’t hesitate even once when using the elixir.

“I’m saving my clan members. What don’t you understand?”

Yeah. Back then, I was so fixated on saving him that I didn’t realize there might have been another future. One where I saved Shin Jaeryong and conserved the elixir—the best possible outcome from my perspective.

Ironically, that choice led to the best result: Shin Jaeryong’s survival. Any delay during the rescue would have been irreversible.

That gap—the disconnect between my usual values and my actions then—drove me crazy.

Now that it’s all over, I feel it clearly. The stark contrast between my core beliefs and what I did back then reveals a deep chasm.

Others might think nothing of it, even applaud me… but for me, that gap is a brutal contradiction. It feels like the foundation that kept me going through this hell is crumbling.

…Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m like this.

Why did I act so arrogantly in front of Anhyun?

Ssssh, ssssh.

“…Huh?”

Suddenly, a faint warmth caught my attention. Looking down, I saw the glowing ember at the tip of the cigarette had reached my finger. I must have been lost in thought for too long.

As I snapped back to reality, my throat burned and a dizzy sensation swirled across my forehead.

Come to think of it, have I had a proper rest since coming out of that pit?

“…Sigh.”

Who am I blaming? It’s my own fault.

A sigh escaped me as I stubbed out the cigarette and crushed it underfoot. I pulled out another, and just as I was about to look away to check, my head drooped without me realizing it.

And then—

“Ugh.”

Suddenly, the dizziness worsened, a fierce wave of nausea crashing over me.

Thud!

Almost at the same moment, a warm liquid trickled down my philtrum and dripped onto the ground.

A small, red stain. Reflexively, I wiped my nose and saw blood on the back of my hand.

Realizing it was a nosebleed, I felt a surge of self-disgust. A suffocating weight pressed on my chest.

“Really…”

I decided to calm the dizziness first, slowly raising my hand to support my forehead.

“What the hell is wrong with me…”

Unable to fight the nausea, I closed my eyes.