A long time ago… When exactly did it all begin?
To be honest, I wasn’t a very good user at first. Beyond my lack of skill and scant user information, my mental awakening as a user came painfully late. I wasn’t even capable of taking proactive steps to survive or strategize; the world of the Hole Plain was so terrifying and overwhelming that I couldn’t even think about standing up to it. I cowered inside the city like a coward, trembling and retreating further into loneliness. Yet, ironically, if I wanted to survive, I had to step out into the world eventually.
It wasn’t out of courage that I took my first step outside. The truth was, I had no money and was starving, so I was practically pushed out the door. Still, beginner’s luck was on my side, and that first tentative step brought me a small measure of success. I can still vividly remember the taste of the meat I bought with the first money I earned.
But success didn’t come every time. In fact, the reality I faced afterward was brutally harsh, as if mocking a clueless rookie like me.
“That was your first expedition with us?”
“Yeah, somehow. But you showed a lot of potential. If you’re okay with it, come with us on the next one too.”
On that second expedition, I found myself unknowingly cast as bait. By sheer luck, I barely escaped with my life. When I returned, the woman leading the caravan frowned at me and tossed me a meager sum of money, as if out of pity. I was too stunned to say anything and just took the money, turning away silently. I curled up in a corner of the city where the homeless gathered and let a single tear of frustration fall.
Looking back, I was reckless—foolish, even. I should have learned something from that experience, but I didn’t improve at all. Every time I went on an expedition, I was used and discarded. On days I couldn’t go out, I wandered the plaza all day, only to return exhausted. Finding a place to sleep was impossible, and even securing a single meal was a struggle.
It didn’t end there. I was betrayed by someone I thought was a friend, and once had all my hard-earned money stolen in an instant. With nowhere to turn, I swallowed my pain and cried silently. Even if I didn’t show it outwardly, I was always crying inside.
The only small comfort was that I had someone to hate. I resented those who used me and blamed my own shortcomings. Still, I held onto the hope that someday, the sun would shine on me. Perhaps that was the last time I was truly innocent.
But the real problem began when that long-awaited day finally came. By sheer chance, I joined a new caravan led by a certain man. I hovered on the edges, afraid I’d be used as bait again or abandoned. Yet, the users in that caravan treated me sincerely—as a person, not just a user.
One day, I asked the man leading the caravan:
“Why did you accept someone like me? Someone like me.”
He answered simply:
“Why? It’s simple. Sure, Suhyun, you’re not the most impressive user. But let me tell you this—while User Kim Suhyun might be unremarkable, Kim Suhyun the person is full of charm. At least to me.”
“I pride myself on being able to read people. You might get betrayed, but you’re not the type to betray first, not even yourself. That’s why I brought you into my caravan. I want this group to be more than just about skill—I want us to be a family who trusts and backs each other.”
Maybe it was those words that finally opened my wounded heart. For the first time in this harsh world, I found someone I could truly trust. From then on, I followed him faithfully. I found my place in the caravan. By trusting and relying on my comrades, I became a respected member. For the first time, happiness touched my life as a user, stained with scars and tears.
But that happiness was short-lived. On a single ill-fated expedition in the Blue Mountain Range, we were wiped out. The leader and all the comrades who had laughed and joked just before the expedition were slaughtered. Only one other person and I barely escaped.
I lost those I considered family. The shock was indescribable. The last surviving comrade and I parted without a word. Once again, I was alone.
But did I truly understand then? That this tragedy was only the prologue to a long, grueling life in the Hole Plain?
Whenever I recall my first cycle, the memories are always the same:
Losing comrades and crying.
Losing friends and crying.
Losing my older brother and crying.
Losing the woman I loved and crying.
A daily cycle of loss and tears.
Now, those memories feel like a distant dream on a midsummer night.
And at some point, I stopped crying. Even when I try to recall those moments now, no tears come. I must have grown weary of the endless repetition. After losing, being hurt, trembling, and crying, I finally gave up.
At the same time, I came to a realization—instinctively, I learned how not to get hurt anymore.
The method was simple: treat others not as people, but as users. Not with affection, but with necessity. Naturally, I began to see them as tools or means to an end.
It worked. For example, when Helena died during this latest raid, I didn’t feel overwhelming grief. I only felt regret that I hadn’t been more perceptive. Since I never got attached, there was no lingering sorrow or regret.
So, except for my brother and Hansoyoung, I tried not to get emotionally involved with other users.
But then… then—
“My dear…”
A woman appeared, pleading for my affection, asking me to care for her. She invoked the title of “father,” weighing heavily on my shoulders. Her words shocked me. Because Gehenna truly wanted me.
There was no doubt about the sincerity of her words. As I thought earlier, in this hellish place, Gehenna holds absolute power. She could easily prevent me from leaving if she wished.
But she didn’t. Instead, with pleading eyes and a desperate voice, she begged me not to abandon her. Not forever—just for seven nights. For the sake of the child we would bring into this world, she asked me to stay by her side. If I put myself in her place, how would I feel?
“Please…”
When her voice came again, filled with desperation, I felt my heart begin to soften. In that fleeting moment, the urge to leave immediately surged through me. Faces of my brother, Hansoyoung, and the clan members flashed through my mind.
“…”
But I couldn’t ignore Gehenna’s request to spend just seven nights together—not a lifetime, just seven nights.
So, I took slow steps toward her and quietly spoke.
“Gehenna. I’m truly sorry.”
Her eyes shimmered like rippling waves before she squeezed them shut.
“I don’t think I can stay with you forever.”
Yes. That was the truth. If I put myself in her shoes, I was the one who owed an apology. After all, the child she carried was mine too.
“Ah…?”
Surprised, her eyes widened like lanterns, and she softly parted her lips.
“If it’s really just for seven nights…”
Seeing her like that, I spoke again.
“Y-You…?”
Right in front of her, I slowly knelt down. Grasping her belly with both hands, I pressed my ear close. Though I heard nothing, I focused all my senses, hoping to feel something.
After a moment,
I felt a warm hand gently cradle the top of my head, and I closed my eyes softly.
—New Continent, Atlanta.
A young man lay on a cot, staring blankly at the tent ceiling. His eyes were so dull and unfocused they looked almost lifeless. Tear stains marked both his face and the bed sheets, evidence of tears long dried.
Suddenly, fresh tears streamed down again. The young man grimaced and trembled slightly. He tried to hold back, but eventually turned over and began to sob quietly. Tears flowed endlessly from his furrowed eyes.
The young man lying there crying was none other than An Hyun. About three weeks ago, precisely after Kim Suhyun was dragged into the Hell Grand Duke’s domain, An Hyun had spent several sleepless nights crying. He hadn’t eaten or even taken a sip of water, only wept continuously.
Afterward, with the help of some friends and acquaintances, she barely managed to pull herself together, but the bright, cheerful An Hyun everyone knew was gone. She spent almost all her time holed up in the tent, lying listlessly on a makeshift bed. Neither Ko Yeon-ju nor Jung Ha-yeon could bear to see her like that and tried to give her a stern talking-to, but upon seeing An Hyun break down in tears, they could only shake their heads in sorrow. Both women were deeply shaken by Kim Soo-hyun’s near disappearance—almost like death—and they knew exactly how much An Hyun had cared for him.
More than anything, An Hyun’s crying was unbearably heartbreaking. She tried so hard to hold back her sobs, swallowing them down, but the more she tried, the more her quiet, choked whimpers slipped out. Just like now.
Then—
Click.
The door opened gently, and a woman with a graceful demeanor stepped inside, moving softly. Carrying a tray with a bowl of food, it was none other than Im Hanna, who had come personally to bring An Hyun something to eat and drink, worried about her condition.
“Hyun-ah, I’m here. Try eating this, okay?”
Im Hanna felt just as heartbroken in this moment, but with the other clan members—especially those who had gone through the rites of passage with Kim Soo-hyun—she couldn’t afford to show it. An Hyun’s raw display of emotion was so overwhelming it almost made others forget their own grief.
An Hyun didn’t speak at first. She pressed her lips tightly together, then quietly wiped her eyes with a clenched fist, trying to hide it from Im Hanna.
“Y-yeah. You’re here, nuna?”
After a long moment spent wiping away tears, An Hyun forced her voice low and hoarse, then surprisingly sat up and faced Im Hanna.
Of course, she had no appetite in a situation like this. But An Hyun didn’t want to cause any direct trouble for the clan members. She had once seen Lee Yoo-jung lose her temper and scream at Im Hanna when she brought food just like this. While An Hyun understood Yoo-jung’s feelings, she had promised herself not to go that far—after all, Im Hanna was innocent in all this.
Slowly, An Hyun lifted her eyes to meet Im Hanna’s gentle gaze and bowed her head.
“Nuna… thank you…”
“It’s okay. Really, it’s okay. I’m just grateful you’re eating something, even if it’s just this.”
Understanding the meaning behind those words, An Hyun gave a bitter smile inside. The tray held a soft, comforting soup, its savory aroma filling the air—something gentle enough for her weakened body. She lifted the spoon with great effort, but her pace was painfully slow, as if she was forcing herself to eat despite not wanting to.
Just as she was struggling to swallow, feeling like she might throw up at any moment—
“What do you mean by that?! What do you mean?!”
Suddenly, a loud shout echoed from outside the tent, ringing in both An Hyun and Im Hanna’s ears. Their eyes met—An Hyun’s filled with confusion, Im Hanna’s tightly shut, as if bracing herself for what was coming.
“You said you were back! You said you’d know if there was a contract! But…!”
When the voice spoke again, something clicked in An Hyun’s mind. Her eyes widened as if they might burst, and just as she was about to get up, Im Hanna’s hand stopped her.
“No. You’re not going anywhere until you finish eating.”
Im Hanna whispered firmly, biting her lower lip as she stared straight at An Hyun. This was one thing she wouldn’t compromise on.
But then—
Suddenly, the lifeless spark in An Hyun’s eyes flared to life. She lifted the bowl of soup and poured it into her mouth in one gulp, then quickly pushed aside the tent flap and stepped outside.
---------------------------= Author’s Note =---------------------------
By the time this story goes up, I wonder what I’ll be doing?
^_ㅠ