I glanced back and saw Seraph half-rising, but stopping midway. His hand, which I hadn’t even noticed grabbing me, was loosely holding the edge of his red cloak. It wasn’t a tight grip—just enough that with a little effort, I could easily pull away.
“Are you going to leave…?”
His voice sounded so pitiful. I wished he wouldn’t look at me with those eyes—like a forlorn woman watching her husband walk away without spending even one night together.
I shoved my hands into my pockets, fingers brushing against the Zero Code. I had no idea what to say. Just then, Seraph spoke.
“I want to talk with Suhyun a little more.”
“Talk?”
“Isn’t it a bit harsh to just say what you want, hear what you want, and then leave?”
“W-what?”
For once, the angel spoke candidly, without hesitation. Then, calming himself, he fixed me with a gaze that seemed almost desperate.
…Come to think of it, this might be the last time I see Seraph. Next time, he might use the Zero Code. Maybe this is the only chance to talk freely. That must be why he’s acting like this. Should I agree or not?
“……”
Lately, my feelings toward Seraph have been complicated. I don’t even know if I like him or hate him. There’s no clear answer.
When did it start? Maybe when I realized Seraph had taken Ansol’s body—or rather, had come back with me to the first round?
Whatever the case, one thing I’m sure of is that the intense hatred I once felt—so strong I couldn’t even stand to see him—has completely vanished. That’s all.
“Now that I think about it…”
I slowly pulled the cloak away, and Seraph squinted slightly, standing fully from the altar.
“I still have something I want to ask.”
At that moment, Seraph suddenly blurted out, “Wait, just an hour, no, even thirty minutes…!” before sitting back down on the altar, looking utterly stunned.
“Why? It’s fine if you stay longer.”
I raised my eyes wide, casually pulling out a cigarette. He narrowed his eyes at me but sat quietly on the altar. Yet his gaze was fixed somewhere else, and his lower lip stuck out in a clear pout. This was the first time I’d seen Seraph sulk. It was kind of cute.
“Are you sulking?”
“I’m not sulking.”
“Aw, come on… Fine. But why did you stop me to talk?”
“……”
Seraph’s voice was slightly annoyed as he sighed deeply.
After a long silence, he shot me a sideways glare, then a faint smile tugged at his lips.
“Actually, I’ve been watching Suhyun’s recent activities.”
“What?”
“It seemed you were having a lot of fun with various women.”
“…You saw that?”
Seraph nodded subtly. Hmph. That stings a bit. But I kept my expression neutral, as if to say, ‘So what?’
“If you thought I’d be embarrassed, you’re mistaken.”
“Of course not. I’m not that childish.”
Suddenly, I yawned long and deep. Maybe it was the night. Strange—I shouldn’t be sleepy since I woke up late.
Seraph continued.
“It’s just…”
“Just?”
“I was jealous.”
“Hah, there’s nothing to be jealous of.”
I chewed on my cigarette and chuckled lightly. It had been a while since I’d talked like this with Seraph. Playing along with jokes wasn’t so bad after all.
“So, Suhyun…”
Seraph slowly leaned closer, whispering softly into my ear.
“Could you grant me one favor?”
“Tell me.”
I lit the cigarette I’d been chewing on and muttered.
In that instant, my vision suddenly slipped away. I closed my eyes briefly, and when I opened them, I saw the gray ceiling above. Below it, Seraph was looking down at me, his head slightly bowed. At the same time, I felt a soft, comforting sensation supporting the back of my neck.
A lap pillow. I guessed Seraph wanted to see me flustered somehow.
“So, this is the favor?”
I asked, but Seraph shook his head. Without a word, he began gently brushing my hair aside. Slowly, very slowly, without pause… I had no reason to resist now, so I relaxed and let him.
“Ummm…”
The gray altar was cold, but Seraph’s touch was warmer than that. It felt good. As my head relaxed, my body grew heavy and sluggish, and my eyes naturally closed. It was like lying in a sunlit meadow in fresh spring.
How long had I been like this?
“Suhyun.”
Suddenly, Seraph spoke. I half-opened my heavy eyelids and looked at him. My vision was narrower and a bit more blurred than before.
“How was your life in the Whole Plane?”
“……?”
A sudden, unexpected question. I was about to ask what he meant but swallowed the words. Maybe this was the favor he wanted to ask.
“Well…”
I murmured to myself, lost in thought.
In the past, I would have answered negatively without hesitation. Even now, I could say the same.
But if I thought about it seriously just once, maybe there was another way to answer.
“I was unhappy at times…”
I was miserable when I witnessed my brother’s death. I had to endure hardships I shouldn’t have, watch comrades die, and the memory of seeing the woman I admired fall from grace still haunts me. There are countless other unhappy memories.
But was my life as a user only filled with misfortune?
“There were good memories too…”
Strictly speaking, no. When I met my brother, when Han So-young saved me, when I met Gehenna, when Maru and Suna were born, when my comrades came to rescue me… those memories don’t belong in the category of unhappiness. There are many of those too.
As I calmly sorted through my thoughts, I felt a gentle touch on my face. Seraph’s silver hair softly spilled over me. His face seemed to be leaning closer.
But why… can’t I see him clearly? My vision is getting very blurry. My eyelids feel unbearably heavy.
“There’s no need to forget the past, but there’s no need to be bound by it either.”
I tried to open my eyes wide, but instead, I closed them a little more. I don’t know why, but the feeling of being gently caressed all over was strangely comforting. I almost wanted to fall asleep right there.
“So, Suhyun, wouldn’t it be better to live happily now?”
His voice was soft, like a lullaby.
“Well…”
Of course. Who wouldn’t want to live happily?
Seraph continued.
“Then, what kind of life is a happy life for you?”
At that moment, I was completely at a loss for words.
“……”
That was the problem.
Everyone values different things. So naturally, what defines happiness varies. I’m no different.
“Happiness…”
The life most people seek and the life I find happy are worlds apart. Can a life that requires constant killing and slaughter really be called happy? Even if I’m satisfied, what would my brother or Han So-young think?
Was it at the Temple of Promise?
‘Is Miji the result of avoidance? Afraid of the choices that lie ahead, how tragic. Even after fifteen years of striving toward this moment…’
‘If the poison that kept you going is gone, what remains is mental wear. Then you must already be beautifully breaking apart…’
The Zero Code’s words resonated painfully.
At some point, I started deceiving my own emotions. Most of all, I guarded against sadness and pain. I thought crying from suffering was weakness.
I wanted to be stronger than anyone for revenge. When I wanted to cry, I clenched my teeth and held back tears. When I couldn’t hold back, I replaced it with anger. By constantly deceiving myself, my tear ducts dried up completely.
…In the end, all that’s left is emptiness and futility.
“Maybe…”
That’s why.
That’s why I wanted to cry. More than laughing, I wanted to shed tears.
When you’re happy, you can truly smile. But when you’re unhappy, you can’t.
But crying isn’t limited to sadness. It happens when you’re happy too. Haven’t you ever cried from overwhelming joy or deep emotion?
Yes. In other words, a life where I can cry when I want to.
Going further…
“A life where I can live like a human… that kind of life?”
“…Is that so?”
I barely managed to answer, and the blurry haze before my eyes slowly began to fade. I guessed Seraph had lifted his head.
“I understand.”
Strange.
“If Suhyun truly wishes for that…”
I tried to sit up, but my whole body was limp.
“I will gladly respect your true feelings.”
Instead, I felt myself go completely slack.
Only then did I realize I was on the verge of losing consciousness. No, I can’t. I still have questions I want to ask.
“Though it’s late to say this now…”
It was at that moment.
“Five years ago, just before my regression, I swore an oath before the Zero Code.”
Suddenly, my vision rapidly darkened, and the faint outline of Seraph completely dissolved.
“Now, it seems the time has come to fulfill that vow.”
Seraph?
‘Please don’t misunderstand. As I mentioned earlier, user Kim Suhyun currently holds a significant amount of GP. Erasing it outright would be completely irrational.’
“Please don’t misunderstand. I understand Suhyun’s desire and determination to return to Earth. But I assure you, going back without any plan or preparation is far from reasonable.”
Seraph? What is he saying right now?
‘It’s unbelievable, but your will has triggered a response from the Zero Code. Very well. As the assistant, I will adjust the details at my discretion. Of course, nothing will harm user Kim Suhyun, not even a little.’
“Suhyun… by the assistant’s authority… will make arbitrary requests… and of course, nothing harmful will come to Suhyun…”
Damn it, I can’t hear clearly. No matter how hard I try to focus, my consciousness keeps slipping away, moment by moment.
“Then, after the process is complete…”
The last thing I was able to hear was—
“Meeting again…”
Seraph’s voice, soft and slightly wet.
“…will probably be difficult, won’t it?”
And with that, I lost the fragile grip I had on my fading consciousness.
---------------------------= Author’s Note =---------------------------
Kim Suhyun: Maybe… a life where I can cry?
Seraph: Then go ahead and cry.
Kim Suhyun: ?
Seraph: Cry to prove your innocence! You damn bastard!