Episode 96

“I, Sojeo! I truly adore you! I have, even from long before we met!”

Clenching my fist tightly, I spoke with burning intensity.

At last, I was voicing my true feelings, and my excited heart pounded wildly in my chest.

Then, after a moment, I let out a deep sigh.

“Ah, maybe that sounds too unbelievable? Should I just skip the part about feeling this way before we even met?”

Before I came to see Sojeo, I had gone to a quiet clearing, wrestling with how to confess my feelings.

“Okay, how about this? Sojeo! To me, you are the most beautiful person in the world! More beautiful than Cheongyeon Sojeo! More than Dang Sojeo, even!”

But after saying that, I shook my head again.

“Sigh, no matter how much I adore Sojeo, that sounds like a lie, doesn’t it? Maybe I should say it’s not about looks? That I fell for her kind heart?”

I had already come up with dozens of phrases and tried them out, but none felt right.

They all seemed either too childish or overly dramatic.

With another heavy sigh, I wondered.

‘Is this really something I should do?’

The confidence that had filled me like a solid armor after eighty years of training, along with the dozens of imagined confessions, slipped away like air, leaving only a bare skeleton behind.

I realized that confidence and inner strength were different things.

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t believe Sojeo would accept my confession.

I couldn’t tell if this lack of confidence was a harsh self-reflection or just pathetic cowardice shrinking inside me.

Above all, I was terrified that if I confessed and failed, things between Sojeo and me would become awkward forever.

I sighed again and muttered to myself.

“Maybe I shouldn’t do it at all?”

The words slipped out without much thought.

But from the moment I said them, they became a powerful temptation.

That’s right.

If I do nothing, nothing will change.

I could continue to live alongside her just as before.

Watching her from afar, alone.

Worrying alone, as always.

With nothing changing.

Yes, just like before…

Lost in those thoughts, I suddenly realized I had quietly sat down right there.

And only then did I understand what the real problem was.

I was trying to run away.

From an unpredictable, frightening future.

From a change that could shatter who I am now.

And this feeling was all too familiar.

I chuckled bitterly and muttered.

“Hah, this is exactly what Sun Woojin from my past life would have done.”

That’s right.

This was exactly the kind of thought my past self would have had.

Sun Woojin, the cowardly pig who gave up moving forward out of fear of the unknown.

I took a deep breath.

Finally, my mind felt clear.

Whether my confession succeeded or failed didn’t really matter.

What truly mattered was whether I could make the confession at all.

Whether I could stand proudly before her.

Believe in myself and face my fears head-on.

That was what I really needed.

If I couldn’t do that, it wouldn’t matter if I stayed in the seventh squad or moved to another.

Wherever I was, I’d always be stuck watching from behind.

I stood up abruptly.

And started walking.

Toward where Sojeo was.

It didn’t have to be a confession.

At this moment, I just wanted to stand before her, look her in the eyes, and speak honestly.

I didn’t want to let this hard-won realization slip away.

As I walked, I soon found myself in front of the women’s dormitory of the seventh squad.

I took a deep breath.

Realizing my problem didn’t make the fear vanish.

I still wanted to stop and sit down.

But despite that, I could move now.

No, I had to.

I knocked gently on the door.

Knock, knock, knock.

From inside came Sojeo’s voice.

“Yes? Who is it?”

I swallowed hard.

Closed my eyes tightly, then said,

“It’s Sun Woojin. Is Sojeo inside?”

I said it.

I actually asked to see her.

My heart was pounding like crazy.

Then the door creaked open.

My heart nearly stopped.

“Sunwoo Gongja?”

But thankfully—or maybe not—the person who opened the door wasn’t Sojeo.

Inside, Cheon Joo-eun Sojeo looked up at me with wide, innocent eyes.

“Seo-yu unnie went to headquarters. Apparently, she got some message from her family.”

“Oh, I see.”

Hearing Sojeo wasn’t there, my energy drained instantly.

A deep disappointment mixed with a strange sense of relief.

Then Cheon Joo-eun Sojeo opened the door wide and said,

“You can come in if you want. Would you like to wait inside?”

I quickly shook my head with a forced smile.

“No, no. I think I’ll just head to headquarters.”

And I started walking toward headquarters.

I was scared, but I couldn’t give up now.

If I missed this chance, I wasn’t sure when I’d find the courage again.

Today, I had to talk to her.

Besides, maybe it was better to meet her outside the dorm, away from prying eyes.

As I walked toward headquarters, I suddenly saw someone running quickly toward me.

The woman who had left the deepest mark on my mind since my past life—Sojeo.

I swallowed hard.

I stopped walking without realizing it.

My earlier resolve vanished, and my mind went blank.

I wasn’t ready yet, but she was coming too fast.

She called out my name as she ran.

“Sunwoo Gongja!”

I instinctively straightened up and answered.

“Y-yes!”

She stopped right in front of me.

No one else was around.

Just the two of us.

I had to speak now.

“So, Sojeo!”

My mouth felt like it had frozen, but I forced out the words.

I was about to say more.

But then—

“Sunwoo Gongja! I have to hurry back to my family!”

“W-what? You’re going back home?”

Only then did I fully understand her words and looked at her face.

I hadn’t noticed before, but now I saw her expression clearly.

Sojeo looked desperate, even on the verge of tears.

With a face full of urgency, she poured out her words.

“My father is very ill! The last letter didn’t say anything about this. I don’t know what suddenly happened… So I got leave for a month. I don’t know exactly how long I’ll be there. We don’t have a squad leader right now, and I shouldn’t leave my post, but… I really can’t help it. What should I do?”

Watching her ramble, my mind cleared.

I knew what I had to do.

I calmed her down.

“Sojeo, it’s okay. Don’t worry and go. The search the squad leader went on won’t take long, and even if it does, I’ll handle everything else.”

“Sunwoo Gongja…”

Seeing her finally calm down a bit, I smiled gently.

“Trust me, Sojeo. I’m someone they’re looking to make squad leader or deputy leader in various places. Nothing will go wrong. I’ll make sure the others know, so don’t worry. Just go take care of your father.”

She wiped her glistening eyes and said,

“Thank you so much. I’ll pack quickly and leave right away.”

“Be careful. Take good care of your father, and come back when he’s better.”

Sojeo ran back toward the dorm, looking desperate.

Watching her go, I thought,

This can’t be helped.

Maybe it’s the heavens telling me it’s not the right time yet.

---

“Hah, hah, ugh, I’m dead tired. Looks like the squad leader still hasn’t come back today.”

Bisayeong, who had just sparred with me and gotten thoroughly beaten, lay sprawled on the ground and suddenly asked.

I chuckled and replied,

“Well, it’s only been two days.”

He panted for a moment, then asked again.

“So Sojeo’s coming back in a month?”

“Yeah, she got leave for that long, but it depends on her father’s condition. Why? Missing the squad leader and Sojeo because you keep fighting me?”

He flinched, caught off guard by my words, then cleared his throat and answered.

“Hmph, well, not exactly. I just think it’s better to spar with different people.”

Since returning to the front lines, Bisayeong had been training hard.

He really wanted to catch up to Hwayoungbin hyungnim.

So I had been taking our matches seriously, but hearing him miss others, I guessed it was tough for him.

He lay there blankly for a moment, then asked again.

“By the way, can we now take a whole month for leave?”

“Ah, yes. The Sword Saint elder changed the rules. Regular leave can be up to three weeks, and for family matters, up to a month.”

He sighed with a mix of admiration and regret.

“Wow, if our vacation hadn’t ended yet, we could’ve taken three weeks off too. That’s a bit disappointing.”

“Disappointing? Don’t you remember that O Squad, who was supposed to have this turn for vacation, couldn’t take any time off because of our deployment? And now, with the whole Cheolgwi incident, it’s even worse.”

“Hmm, I guess you’re right.”

During the month we were away, Elder Geomseong, the father of Cheongyeon Sojeo, had made a lot of changes at the front lines.

One of those changes was about the vacation system.

Originally, the vacation period was just one week, but now it could be extended up to a full month.

Thanks to Mayugyeom’s concession, we went on vacation instead of Sa Squad and only took a week off, but starting with O Squad, who were next in line, they could now take three weeks.

However, O Squad had suffered heavy casualties in the Cheolgwi incident, and their leader, Doksugwang, had gone out on a Cheolgwi search mission, so their vacation got postponed again.

Suddenly, the face of Doksugwang, the O Squad leader who always seemed displeased with me, popped into my mind.

I didn’t exactly like him either, but somehow, I felt a pang of sympathy.

I think I understood that his behavior toward me and Seolpung’s leader was just an expression of his own insecurities.

Aside from that, he was a leader who had earned the trust of his squad members in his own way.

A thought crossed my mind.

“It’s been two days already. I wonder if he’s getting along well with Seolpung’s leader during this search.”

It had been two days since the leaders of the Thirteenth Generation went out on the Cheolgwi search.

That also meant it had been two days since I, Sojeo, hurried back to my family home.

Nothing much had happened during that time.

Even without the leaders, we kept up our usual training and patrols, maintaining our daily routine at the front.

But there was one thing that was bothering me.

That was…

I glanced over at Bae Jonggwan and Cheon Jueun Sojeo sparring right next to us.

Both of them had grown a lot since the last deployment.

The problem was that our squad only had four members training right now.

Bisa-yeong casually remarked, “Looks like Sojeo still isn’t showing up today.”

“Yeah, I noticed that too.”

What was really on my mind was Cheongyeon Sojeo.

Her condition seemed off.

Lately, whether on patrol or just in everyday moments, she was always lost in thought and rarely spoke.

No matter what you asked, she gave short, clipped answers.

She even avoided training, to the point where Cheon Jueun Sojeo confided her worries to me.

After a moment of thought, I muttered, “Maybe I should go talk to her.”

I felt I needed to set aside some time to have a proper conversation with her.

After all, we came to the front together, and I was probably the person who had known her the longest.

Bisa-yeong looked at me quietly for a moment, then chuckled and said, “You seem a bit more confident these days.”

I blinked in surprise. “Huh? Me?”

“Yeah. You used to be really uncomfortable with that—approaching people first. You’d be ruthless to enemies but treated those close to you like fragile glass. Even if you were close to Cheongyeon Sojeo before, I don’t think you’d have ever thought about reaching out to talk about her problems.”

I wondered, “Did I really used to be like that?”

And then I had to admit it.

He was probably right.

I was always terrified of clashing emotionally with the people close to me.

In the Sunwoo family, I feared conflicts with family, siblings, and friends; on the front, I feared clashes with my squad members.

I was afraid that the few people I had left might drift away from me.

So I always hesitated to approach first, constantly anxious.

“I guess that’s why, even in my past life, I chose to be the fool rather than fight with my brothers.”

I thought I had changed a lot in this life, but apparently, my attitude toward people hadn’t shifted much.

Maybe it was because I lost my mother when I was young and had only ever seen people drift away from me since then.

Both in the Sunwoo family and on the front lines, my past life was one of losing people.

That’s why I was always anxious about losing those around me now.

“But…”

If there was any change at all, it was probably because I had made up my mind to confess to Sojeo.

I hadn’t actually confessed yet, but deciding to face my fears must have influenced my actions.

I smiled wryly and asked Bisa-yeong, “What? Do I seem like I’m showing off too much?”

He shook his head with a rare serious expression.

“No, you actually look better now. Like you’ve shed a shell. You’re a guy who’s good enough not to envy anyone, but you used to be so anxious and self-conscious, it was kind of off. I thought, ‘Ah, this guy must have lived a life starved for human connection. I was always loved by my sworn brothers even when I was starving and struggling, but he never had that.’ That’s what I thought.”

“…”

It was the first time I’d heard that.

A friend’s words about me that I’d never heard before.

His words stabbed at my heart like a blade, sharp and painful, but at the same time, they felt strangely refreshing.

He went on.

“You can be a little arrogant. You’re pretty amazing. Good-looking, skilled in martial arts, smart. When a guy like you lacks confidence, it makes me, who has nothing but baseless confidence, feel embarrassed. And… you’re not alone anymore, right? You’ve got so many friends who like and support you now.”

Something welled up inside me.

His words—that I wasn’t alone anymore—and the sincere look in his eyes felt so warm I couldn’t find the words to respond.

I just stood there, staring at Bisa-yeong.

He scratched his head awkwardly and stood up.

“Ah, well rested. Shall we get back to training? Hey, Jonggwan! Cheon Sojeo! Let’s spar one-on-one!”

Even after he awkwardly slipped away, I stayed rooted to the spot for a while longer.

I wanted to hold onto this warmth a little longer.

Suddenly, I thought: I’m really glad I came back.

I’m so glad I returned and can save my friends.