A Dark Past
(Please read the afterword.)
In the harsh world of Hol Plain, a woman’s body can be a means of survival or a weapon for assassination through seduction. The concept of chastity isn’t as rigid here. With murder and death being common occurrences, the society is surprisingly open about sex.
However, this openness doesn’t mean lawlessness. Crimes like forced acts are still problematic. The northern continent maintains strict discipline, unlike the chaotic western continent where murder, robbery, and rape are rampant. In Hol Plain, consensual relationships are not uncommon, and even newcomers from modern times gradually adapt to this culture.
Jung Ha-yeon was betrayed and abandoned. Or perhaps “abandoned” isn’t quite right; it seemed the man never intended to keep her. She carried the pain from that time deep in her heart, and for over a year, she lived with the trauma.
Her distrust extended beyond men to the very nature of people. Living with such trauma in Hol Plain was incredibly stressful. Though it’s unclear what she experienced afterward, it’s easy to imagine her days were filled with anxiety and suffering.
As her anguish accumulated, she reached her breaking point. She had managed to endure with her sister by her side, but losing her sister unleashed the trauma she had suppressed.
Ha-yeon was acutely aware of her precarious state. She knew she was on the brink of danger, that her heart was crumbling.
Then, she met me. My initial actions mirrored those of her first love, but I diverged from his path. I did what she had hoped and wished for from that man. Hearing how others spoke of me, she rekindled emotions she had forgotten. Perhaps she made a decision after the “Crystal of Truth.”
She wanted to overcome her trauma through me and needed someone to lean on. In a way, I was partly to blame for her state—I was the one who killed her sister.
Yet, I felt no guilt. I reasoned that if she maintained her current feelings, I could make it up to her in the future. I chuckled at my own thoughts. I wasn’t exactly normal either. Ten years in Hol Plain had numbed my emotions. Maintaining sanity in this hellish place for over a decade would be stranger.
Without a word, I led Ha-yeon to the bed, gently laying her down. She looked up at me, trusting, and I lay beside her.
Having confirmed her sincerity, I felt the need to accept her. I wasn’t noble enough to refuse a woman who wanted me. I didn’t know what consequences this choice might bring, but for now, embracing her seemed the better option.
I spoke lightly to ease her mood.
“It’s strange being in the same bed like this.”
“It’ll get stranger, so don’t start getting flustered now.”
I was caught off guard. Ha-yeon was still Ha-yeon. I scratched my head, having gained nothing from my comment, and rested my head near her chest.
Soon, I felt her cool hand gently cradle my head. I pressed my face closer to her chest. Despite the robe, I could feel her warmth, and my eyes widened. It seemed she wore only a thick robe and underwear.
After a moment in her embrace, I lifted my head and spoke to her.
“If you ever want to stop, just signal me. I’ll stop immediately.”
“That won’t happen. Even if I signal, just keep going.”
Her bold words made me smile. I moved closer, meeting her gaze. She spoke, looking at me.
“I have a request.”
“Go ahead.”
“When you call me, can you drop the last name and just use my first name?”
I nodded.
“Alright, Ha-yeon.”
“And drop the formalities too. Just my name.”
”…Ha-yeon.”
“Good. Then…”
She seemed relieved by my response and nodded. Slowly, I placed my hand on her robe. With her permission, I began to untie the robe, pulling at the loose ends until it opened.
I focused on the glimpse of her beneath the robe.
First, I saw the gentle swell of her chest, wrapped in underwear. Below, her slender waist, graceful hips, and long legs were visible. She was beautiful, like a noble crane.
I raised my gaze to her chest, enticingly revealed by the robe. I gently touched her face, and she mirrored the gesture. Her short hair spread beautifully on the pillow, and I opened the robe fully.
Outside, darkness had settled. The only light in the dim room was a sliver of moonlight through the window. Ha-yeon turned her gaze away, shy about her exposed body. Her fresh innocence prompted me to speak softly.
“Ha-yeon, if it’s too much, we can stop.”
“It’s not too much. Just… a little embarrassing.”
Being her first time, she was understandably shy. She tried to cover herself with her arms and legs, avoiding my gaze.
I smiled, accepting her actions, and waited. This was her first time. I wouldn’t rush or force anything. I wanted to create good memories, not bad ones.
Our relationship was simple. She acted with me, and I protected and supported her. Before meeting me, Ha-yeon was lost. I intended to use her for my purposes, but as long as she leaned on me and sought refuge, I was determined to be her stronghold.
I waited patiently. Noticing my calm demeanor, she gradually relaxed, her arms and legs loosening. She looked at me, her voice soft.
“That expression just now…”
“Yes?”
“It was nice. Show me more often.”
Puzzled, I tilted my head but continued. I pulled the robe further down, revealing the deep valley of her chest. Her white skin emerged, and I placed my hand on it, gently lowering her underwear.
With a soft thud, her chest, previously constrained, was freed, revealing its beauty. Her breasts, illuminated by the moonlight, exuded an untouchable serenity and allure.
“Please… don’t stare so much.”
“You’re beautiful. Truly.”
Her voice was barely a whisper, and I shook my head, responding earnestly. She blushed at my compliment, turning her head to the side.
I had experienced it once before, but her chest was larger and fuller than it appeared. It wasn’t overwhelmingly large, nor too small. It was just right, with a softness that seemed to melt under touch.
“How old are you?”
As I focused on her chest, Ha-yeon asked, perhaps uncomfortable with the silence. I swallowed and answered.
“Twenty-four.”
“Oh, you’re two years younger than me.”
I knew. Ha-yeon was twenty-six, an age where a woman’s allure peaks. I gently touched her captivating chest. Watching me, she smiled softly.
”…Do you like breasts that much?”
“What?”
“You’ve been staring at them non-stop. It’s unlike you. You finally seem a bit youthful.”
I chuckled inwardly. Did she realize I was doing this intentionally? She had a nurturing side, evident from her actions with her sister and how she cradled my head.
I was trying to be considerate. Perhaps because of this, she seemed more at ease than when we started. She even took my hand, guiding it to her chest.
Soon, I felt the soft protrusion of her skin against my palm, and my fingers gently grasped the curve beneath. Her body shivered slightly, enveloped in the tender sensation that spread across my hand.
”……!”
She made no sound. No cries of pain, no moans. She simply endured, perhaps not wanting to burden me. Accepting her silent consent, I placed my left hand on her other breast.
The softness was such that it felt like it might melt away with the slightest pressure. I savored the pliant texture as my hand moved, feeling the shape shift beneath my touch. I pinched the peak of the hill, moving my fingers slightly, and finally, she let out a soft, breathy moan, her body twisting slightly. But she quickly composed herself, her movements stilling. The sensation of her moist skin was vivid and unfiltered in my hand, and her reactions, combined with the tactile feedback, were so intoxicating that I intensified my touch.
After indulging in the feel of her breasts for a while, I withdrew my hands, noticing the once pale mounds had turned a rosy hue. My gaze traveled downward. By now, we had stopped speaking, entirely focused on each other’s actions.
She was now only wearing underwear that covered her lower half. I leaned back slightly to take in her entire form. Her narrow shoulders, her full, beautiful breasts, and her slender figure. As I admired each aspect of her body, I couldn’t help but be awed by her beauty.
Gently, I lifted my hand and caressed her bare skin. My hand glided over her waist, devoid of any excess flesh, and paused around her navel. The hand that circled her thin, elongated navel quickly moved to her shapely hips, which shyly revealed themselves. Each place my hand touched made her body squirm in response, and seeing this fresh side of her, usually so calm and rational, brought a faint smile to my lips.
I leaned in closer to her face. Her intelligent and graceful features now bore an expression of longing. Seeing this unfamiliar look of yearning, I felt drawn to her cherry-like lips, inching closer.
Ha-yeon seemed to realize my intent as I approached, her eyes widening in surprise. Her face flushed with embarrassment, but she soon regained her composure. Despite it being her first time, her consideration for me made me want to kiss her.
In the end, our distance closed enough that I could hear her breathing. Initially maintaining her composure, Ha-yeon averted her gaze as I drew near. Watching her, I paused and spoke softly.
“May I kiss you?”
”…I’d like to try it too. Go ahead.”
Could this really be her first kiss? Regardless, with her permission, there was nothing holding me back. I carefully placed my lips over hers, which carried a faint scent of sandalwood. She flinched slightly at the initial contact, but then simply accepted my lips, occasionally moving hers awkwardly.
The sensation of Ha-yeon’s lips was sweet, soft, and warm. For a moment, I thought I could fall asleep just like this.
---------------------------= Author’s Note ---------------------------=
(There will be no replies today. Thank you for your understanding.)
Hello, this is Ro Yujin.
Yes, episode 113 sparked a lot of controversy.
I read every comment and message you sent. Some of you wanted explicit scenes, while others did not. This clear division among readers was a first for me, and it gave me much to ponder.
That night, I couldn’t sleep, and eventually, I checked the comments one last time and decided to change my approach. Not completely, but I thought, let’s try writing in the direction the readers want and see how it feels. So, I began working in the early hours.
I compromised on the boundaries and managed to complete it. However, when I read it from a reader’s perspective, I couldn’t help but shake my head. The content didn’t satisfy me, and more importantly, even if I forced this episode, it wouldn’t connect with the next. The storyline I had planned would become tangled, preventing further progress, so I boldly deleted the 10KB I had written overnight.
Memorize is a novel that has grown with the readers. I accept feedback and make necessary adjustments to the story. There have been two minor feedbacks and three significant ones that influenced the story’s progression.
Making Su-hyeon the leader was a great success, the pacing was average, and skipping the User Academy was, in my opinion, a failure.
Skipping those parts for pacing meant missing out on explaining many settings, which later came back to haunt me. So, I deliberated a lot this time as well.
However, since I’m the one writing and deciding the story’s direction, any poor outcomes are entirely my responsibility. But what I learned from the User Academy skip is to stick to the initial plan as much as possible.
Thus, my conclusion is to write with conviction.
Even if I explain at length, there will undoubtedly be readers who are not satisfied.
In that case, I will convince you not with words, but with the story itself.
And to those who commented and messaged me, thank you.
Despite the harsh criticism, knowing that readers are deeply engaged with and care about Memorize made me genuinely happy.
Especially to those who have emotionally invested in each character… I love you. :)